Lonely

I'm so lonely. I am feeling sorry for myself because LeShel left for Wisconsin today. I was thinking today that I would get more sympathy from people if we were actually related. Then I had a realization. God didn't have to make us sisters because he knew we would find each other, help each other through rough times, and stay friends regardless of any blood relationship. He gave me sisters that I love as well but in all honesty, I am really different from them and they aren't as needy as I am. They don't want to talk to me on the phone three times a day, drive over and run errands with me just so we can talk, and pretend that everything in my life is as important as everything in theirs. But LeShel did. And now, in large part, I am going to have to learn to entertain myself and find someone else who has silly errands to run and needs someone to talk to about nothing.

I also have to mention, not that it makes my self pity any more justified, that one of the things I know I will miss most is the way she loved my kids. She didn't just tolerate them, or even just like them. She loves my kids. She attended long recitals, went to preschool programs, watched every new "trick" they came up with, and would just hold my baby when he was too much for me. She did it to support me but I know she also did it because she really cares about them. They were always so excited to see her and there was more than once when she would call them just to see how they were doing.

I'm starting to cry again (baby) like I did last night but I'm going to try and remember what I heard when I attended a session of conference with her. I can't remember who was talking but they pointed out that it isn't simply that the Lord won't try us beyond what we can handle, He won't try us beyond what is actually good for us. Though I can't imagine how, he is doing this because he knows that somehow, this will be good for both LeShel, my kids, and myself. I am going to keep that in mind and try to look for ways that I am growing from this experience. Maybe I will rely more on my husband and he will have to listed to me even more than he does at present. Yikes! I asked him the other day if he had read our blog lately and he said no. I invited him to sit down beside me and read for a while. He started to read but then he looked at me and said, "I don't want to read it. I already live it." He can be a goober.

Now that I am thinking of happy things, I should tell you what Bugs said today. Peter was feeding them brownies (out of the pan) and he would take turns putting a bite in Julia and Brigham's mouths. Well, when he paused for a second and Bugs didn't think he was moving fast enough, Bugs stared saying, "I'm open, I'm open! Dad I'm open." and then standing there with his mouth wide open for his next bite.

Then Peter was reading Porter a story about a cat and Porter started meowing. He did it over and over on each page just so that Peter wouldn't forget what the story was about. It was pretty cute. How can we sit and complain when we are surrounded by so many wonderful things? I don't know but I am usually pretty good and it and I'm going to work on not being quite so.